Saturday, April 02, 2005

Around a month and a half. These may be my last days as a college student for awhile. I start to look back on these past two years and I wish that I could say there were some of the best years of my life, like I always heard the college years were supposed to be, but I can't. For the most part they've been the opposite. Sure, I've gotten to know some of my high school friends a lot better than I ever thought I would, and I'm glad for that, but slowly those relationships seem to be starting to fade. I've just never been consistenly happy these past couple years. I'm not sure what I'll do and I hate to give up the gates millenium scholarship, but I can't go on living like this. My best option now seems to go back to Houston and do Youth Advocates through Americorps. I may do that and possibly find another job for the night time or maybe take some classes through HCC. Sure, I'm going to feel like a failure for quitting college, but it won't be much different from me already feeling like a failure now. But who knows? Somehow I may get the strength to go on and finish up college now. A miracle may come my way and help me get through this, or maybe I'll fade off and go live the life I never thought I'd have to live. I think it's time for a change though. Nobody wants a college dropout, and it wouldn't be any better if I just stuck around and failed out. For now, I'll try to make the most of the next month and a half, but my bags are packed and I won't be sad when this school year is over.
Please dont give up Matthew..You know you can do better than this. I fully know what it feels like to be a failure and believe me, its not a good feeling whatsover..Please dont give up as I have done and follow a path that is sort of the one that I am on now, please dont. Try, try, and if that doesnt work TRY again..
Wow, Matthew, this seems like a very big decision. I think it's one you should discuss with people you trust (like your family, or close friends), people who know you and care about you and want what's best for you. They're not all going to be objective, though, and they're not all going to understand, but they might be able to offer you perspectives you haven't thought of yet.

For my part, unsolicited though it is, I'll say this: I think that we (Rogers people, BHS people, lots of people) are often told to go to school, make good grades, get into college, get a job. Like that's the only route there is. Like that's the good way, the best way, the only way. But it isn't. And as we get older, as we "mature," we have to learn about all of our choices, our alternatives, and we have to find the path that fits us best. It's not always going to be the "popular" one, and it's not necessarily going to be the same as the ones our friends choose. It's also not usually easy, no matter what it is. But that doesn't mean it's bad or wrong. Just different, just difficult.

I want you to talk to other people, and to listen to what they have to say, but in the end, you need to choose what's right and what's best for you. If that's leaving school, so be it; I'll support you. If that's sticking it out and being miserable for another semester or two, I'll support you. No matter what you choose, I will always be here for you. And even though I don't want to speak for anyone else (it's a policy of mine), I know I'm not the only one.


You'll be okay, Matthew, one way or the other. I know that. I believe.
If you look at it as a failure, then it is. But if you look at it as an opportunity to take a step back and try something new, it's just that an OPPORTUNITY! You'll have time to decide what you want to do and hopefully have a little more fun and a lot less stess doing it. You've got time to decide, so take your time.
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