Friday, December 31, 2004

i finally got to sleep and did NOT want to wake up. i didn't even wake up for the simpsons. that's how i know i was really tired.

right when i managed to get offline Marlon came over. i was all ready to get some sleep, but instead i stayed up and ate and talked to him. lets try this sleep thing again.

2004 was quite a year. But it wasn't the year I expected or hoped for. I don't know exactly when things started going downhill for me, but they kept going that way and I didn't do what I needed to do to stop that. I've become very ashamed of myself this past year for the person that I have turned into. I always knew I had too much pride, but I never thought it could hurt me like it has. 2004 has been one of the roughest years of my life. There were times when I wasn't sure I'd make it to see 2005, but God gave me some of the greatest friends there are. Thanks to them I'll be around for the new year. I owe those friends more than I could ever repay them. Thank you and I love you all. To those friends that got lost in the mix and I got out of touch with, I apologize. Things will be different in 2005. My life will be different in 2005.

Don't get me wrong, 2004 wasn't all bad. I met some great new people this past semester. I got into different activites. I did manual labor to earn a living, which was a good feeling in the end. I opened up some.

For 2005 I plan on turning my life around from where it is right now.
2005 Resolutions:
Get my faith back
Workout on a regular basis
Hoop on a regular basis
Watch less tv
4.0 this semester
6 minute mile
rep 225
"Love like I've never been hurt"
Become more flexible
Sleep less during the day
Create a worthwhile website
Eat healthier
Smile and laugh more
Get a consistent job
Get out of debt
Read more
"Be a friend a friend would like to have"

Possibly more later if I think of anything else
i just found this funny. it's from BET's list of there favorite movies of 2004.

"Why It Was Better Than “Resident Evil: Apocalypse”: because logic dictates that nothing can suck worse than “Resident Evil.”"
i watched a couple episodes of the simpsons then i went out. first we did bowling at dynamic. that was cool cuz it was $1.90 a game. i bowled 3 good games in a row, which is unusual for me, but then my left knee gave out and i couldn't plant on it anymore. that sucked. after bowling we went over to nussbaum's for pool. free pool = sweeeeeeeet. plus she fed us. :) now another long night for me.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

i just wasn't meant to get on a sleeping schedule. i shall be starting all over again, so no sleep for me tonight.

again i got just over an hours worth of sleep. i'm really feeling it today. i may have to start over with this trying to get on sleeping schedule.

instead of going to sleep i decided to stay up and put together Monica's bookcase. Here's the finished project

Now what do I do. That nap REALLY screwed me up.

ended up watching office space with marlene. well, partially watching it while working on crossword puzzles. i don't know why, but lately word games have been catching my attention.

i went over to dings. it was me, him and olivia. we played soul caliber then street football. i ended up playing football alone and was determined to beat the computer. for some reason, i just couldn't win. and it was on easy. so i changed the difficulty to normal for an unkown reason. after a couple more games i realized that i was using the wrong button to tackle. after i realized that i immediately won the next game. i retired after that. we talked a little and now i'm back home. that stupid one hour nap killed my plan. now i'm wide awake and need to be up again tomorrow to run.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

i ended up falling asleep a little after 4, but woke up a little after 5 when Olivia called me asking if she could come get her movie. she did and now i'm awake, but i'm still tired. my day started out good, but no it's starting to go downhill.

i knew all along. why?

I have somehow managed to stay awake. Around 10:30 Rose came over and we ran around the track at the ut medical school. Afterwards we stretched then played a little basketball.

Like my momma just told me, if I fall asleep I'm not waking up. Therefore I have to find a way to stay up until tonight. I need to get out if I'm going to do that.

how am i up at this hour? i cheated. i knew i couldn't stay awake all night so i told Monica that i would take her to work this morning, knowing that she had to be at work at 8am. i fell asleep around 6:15am and was awaken by her around 7:30am. now lets see if i can stay awake until i try to go run.

more and more i see the friendships that i've hurt.

i was supposed to get some sleep tonight so i could get up and run in the morning. my only chance is to stay up all night, but my body doesn't like it when i do that anymore.

we had nothing to drink at home so i went to the gas station with marlene. it seems every time i run a quick errand late a night marlene comes along so she can drive, which is cool.


Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I went with my brother to a rec league game at the Y. The team from TSU always plays so lazy at the beginning of games. They were down 19 at the half and down 26 with about 15 minutes to play. Then they decided to play. They made one hell of a run, but game up one basket short. The other team missed two freethrows with 10 seconds to play, but they missed two 3 pointers in the closing seconds. It was a good game though. Afterwards I came home and decided to go shoot around. I opened my new AND 1 basketball and went out to play. I hadn't played in forever, but somehow my shot never leaves me. Marlene came out and shot around with me for awhile. My left knee isn't doing so well. Hopefully if I continue to play then it will strengthen back up, but for now it's very weak. Before I left I told myself that I'd have to make 8 out of 10 free throws. I wasn't sure how long that would take me, but that was the rule I set for myself beforehand. I couldn't believe it when I started shooting them though. One after another I put up the shot and it went in. I hit five in a row and felt confident. Then 6. The seventh hit the rim twice, but still went in. After the 8th one went in I relaxed knowing I could go home. Somehow I actually sunk the last two. I used to stay out and shoot 200 or 300 free throws a night and I could never hit 10 in a row. Yet somehow after not playing in forever I manage to accomplish that. I shall have to start playing more often now along with running, sit-ups, and push-ups. Let's do this.

an eat and sleep day for me. fuck it. i wasn't happy while awake anyways.

I was up entirely too late last night. Why? Just because. But oh well. I finally got to sleep about an hour after the sun came up. I'm surprised I was up by 2pm. But I got up and was able to catch the last episode of the AND 1 Street Ball tour. Spyda won it this year, which I figured he would. Now, what should I do today?

I went to play pool with Q, Rose, Ann, and Albert at Slick Willies. I finally got to use my new pool cue. I liked it very much. After pool we went to Tapioca Express and stayed there awhile. Then we didn't know what to do so we visited Lam at gamestop for about an hour. I ended up buying Michael Jordan to the MAX. After gamestop we still didn't know what to do so we went across the street to Borders for and hour and a half or so. There we ran into some old Bellaire people: Lev, Juan, Alina, and Ben. We finally decided to go bowling. I came home to get my bowling ball and shoes and to get Ann some socks. I finally had a good day bowling. Poke met us at Palace and I killed him today. I bowled a 154 and a 184. After bowling I took Rose and Ann back to there car and I met up with Poke and Olivia at Tan Tan. We ate there then went back to Olivia's to watch the documentary Super Size Me. It was very good, except I still want to eat McDonalds. Now I'm back home again and should sleep, but knowing me, I won't.

Monday, December 27, 2004

I really should start going to sleep earlier.

Marlene stayed up and we watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. No way I'm going to sleep now so I must find something else to watch.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

All day long my body had been telling me that I needed sleep. I finally listened to it. I actually stayed in tonight and slept. I woke up and was hungry so Marlene drove me to Burger King so I could get some food. I had a craving for french fries.

I managed to get up to go to church this morning. I'm glad that I did. I love the music at the comtemporary service. Afterwards my momma and I went over my grandmothers and we ended up staying over there longer than I expected. When I got home I wasn't in the best of moods so i layed down for a little while. I got up when Ann called me and went to play football. It wasn't too many people there, but it was fun and I'm glad I went. It improved my mood some.

Call me a geek, but I believe that Anti-Trust is my new favorite movie.

Let's see...went bowling with Q and it just happened that Poke and Same were there. We bowled a few games then they went back to Austin, while Q and I picked up Alison then met some people at AMC 30 to see Closer. I really have never seen that many people at AMC 30 before. It was a tad bit ridiculous. I took Alison home after the movie and should've gone home myself, but that would mean too much time to myself and too much time to think. That's what depresses me, when I'm in one spot thinking about things, because my mind always comes up with the worst situations. Instead of coming home I roamed the town until getting home around 4:45am. Now I should go to sleep so I can wake up in 6 hours for church. But will I? I doubt it. I think I'll finish watching Anti-Trust and then go to sleep.

Closer was a fucked up movie. But I got some laughs out of it.
My life is fucked up so why not try to get some laughs out of it.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

got up and went over my grandmothers to eat. i ended up eating my christmas dinner alone in the den. i didn't even eat all of what i had on my plate, i just didn't feel like eating. then i started watching the game by myself, but i was tired and ended up just going to sleep on one of my grandmothers recliners. i tried staying asleep, but my phone kept going off. i heard it sometimes and didn't hear it other times. i finally got up and did a few things before we left. now i guess i'll go out tonight and see if i can make this somewhat of a merry christmas.

I stayed up last night somehow and watched part of the cosby reunion then part of anti-trust before passing out. now to begin this day.

Merry Christmas everyone


I had to start off with a fresh haircut

I didn't think it would, but it actually snowed in Houston

Had a little apple cider on ice

Picture time after our snowball fight

My (my sisters) cavalier

My footprints that I left behind

This day had some good moments, but in the end I feel the same as before. Hopefully those good moments are what the new year has in store for me.

Friday, December 24, 2004

We went and picked up Monica then went to the contemporary service at our church. It had snowed during the church service, which was a shock to everyone when we came out. Marlon and I scraped the snow off my grandmothers windows, which of course started a snowball fight. After that we went back to my grandmothers house, took pictures in the snow, ate and then opened presents. Monica had worked all day so I took her home, Marlon went to his apartment, while my momma, Marlene and my grandmother went back for the regular church service. I dropped Rose's card off to her then decided to go join the others at church. I liked the contemporary service better, but it was some good singing at the regular service. Went back to my grandmothers house for dessert and now I'm home.

Why do I still get my hopes up? I should already know by now.

I wrapped my presents and had nothing to do, but then my cousin called me back so I went over to his house to get my haircut. Now I must shower and get ready for church. After that we'll go over to my grandmothers to celebrate christmas tonight since Marlon has to work all day tomorrow.

I finally got my christmas shopping done. I don't feel like wrapping things, but I guess I will.

It snowed a little, but it still doesn't feel like christmas time.

2 years in a row

why does heat have to rise? especially since i sleep downstairs.

i'm freezing.

"Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young."
- A.W. Pinero
I got up and ate then ended up going to the movies with Marlene and like 8 other people. We went to see Meet the Fockers. It was very funny.

Now that I've waited as long as I could, I get to do my last minute christmas shopping tomorrow.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

a wasted day :(

For some reason I stayed up even after bookworm ended. I finally dozed off around 9:15 only to wake back up shortly after when my momma brought me back food. I was too tired to eat though and just went back to sleep. I got up about 1pm and now I'm tired and sore. My left shoulder is killing me. Stupid body.

i took a trip out around 2:30 this morning. it was somewhat good and somewhat bad. i got back in around 4:30 and expected my momma to be asleep, but she was still up playing bookworm. i had nothing to do so i sat down and started helping her. she was tired and was ready to lose, but like i am, wouldn't lose on purpose. after a little while i basically took over. but together we shattered my previous record by a ridiculous amount. i think we attained the highest ranking you can on that game, so that's enough of bookworm. now i guess i'll get some sleep. i may sleep all day, or if something comes up, i may actually wake up before the sun goes down. we'll see.

a good ending.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

why i do this to myself? i don't know.

I guess I'll just play bookworm and try to forget about everything.

I ran some christmas cards over to my grandmother then picked up Rose and Ann so we could go see The Polar Express in 3D out at Edwards on I-10. It was very good. Afterwards we came back to my place for hot chocolate and pecan pie. I was having a good night, but no, of course something had to be said to ruin my night. From there it was all downhill and I expect that's how the rest of my night will go. I may as well go to sleep now and get this day over with.

got a program from Marlon so I can convert wav files to mp3 files and therefore burn them onto cds. this means I'll be spending more time in my studio working with songs.

Ding came by and picked me up and we went to 24. It wasn't a long workout, but I could feel it. I have no idea why, but whenever I do chest workouts I use my shoulders more than my chest. Oh well, I needed to do a weight workout. Afterwards we went to gamestop then he dropped me off at Hallmark. I went in and waited for it to stop raining before leaving. I mailed some things for Monica and now I'm back home and hungry.

Oh yea, it was Ding's fault that I woke up early. I was just too out of it to realize it earlier.

i don't know how or why the hell i'm awake right now. i really don't get it. but somehow i was signed back into AIM and i agreed to go workout with ding, so it looks like my day has begun.

I didn't think that it would be possible, yet I already knew, but I hit a new all-time low. I really don't know what I'm going to do now. I thought I was doing better, and in some ways I was, but everything got destroyed. It all was a waste. I basically screwed myself over with a very slim chance of being able to come back. I stop and look back at all the dreams I had for college and I see them all come crashing down. I didn't write them out, but going in I had plans and I knew what I wanted to do. It doesn't matter now though, they can't be done. I really don't know what to say besides the fact that I've become a failure. I just couldn't do it and I know I've let so many people down. And knowing that absolutely kills me. RARELY in my life have I ever wished that I could go back and change the past, but this is one of those times I wish I could. If I could go back I'd get help from the start, I wouldn't let the little things add up until I couldn't take it anymore, I'd get on some kind of schedule, I'd do what I knew I needed to do all along. But I can't. I guess I'll go through one more semester, but then I don't know.

As this year nears it's end I look back at 2004 and try to think of the things that I accomplished. In the end, it hasn't been much. I remember sitting down at the end of 2002 and thinking about the past year. I shed tears that new years eve because I'd had such a great year and really didn't want it to end. But I pulled myself together and told myself that somehow things were going to get better. And 2003 was a good year for me. As 2003 ended I was content with my life. I'd had my ups and downs, but overall I was happy with where I was in life. I had some ups this year as well, but I had a lot more downs. I've never felt so lost before in my life. I feel like that scared, little, helpless boy that I was over 10 years ago. I just wanna curl up in my bed, go to sleep, and not wake up until everything somehow becomes better.

I don't know what 2005 has in store for me. I'm not sure if I want to find out. But thanks to my friends, I'll be around for it.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

I decided to go play pool at UH just so I could get out of the house. Rosie was working so I got a free hour of pool. Q ended up coming up there and we played 5 or 6 games. Then he left and I played some other dude. I went undefeated on the night. I could've done better, but I just gotta have more patience. I'm still home early tonight though. Maybe I'll actually workout.

went to see blade trinity. other people before said it wasn't that good, but i enjoyed it. i know what i need to do now, but will i do it?

why can't i get out of bed now-a-days. damn me.

tryin to chop up lovers and friends. almost had it. stupid mistakes by tryin to do to much. i said i could do it though, so i will.

it was very nice to hear from you again.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Ding came and picked me up and we went to foot locker, which was closed. Then to the gap. Then to pick up Phyliss and we headed out to chinatown. She ordered some cakes at some place then we ate at tan tan. Becky and Stephen met us there. Afterwards we dropped Phyliss off and picked up Nussbaum and Rosie. We hit up the UH pool again then some word dojo. People were hungry so we got Frenchy's and ate it at Rosie's place. Ding dropped Nussbaum and I off at meyerland so I could get Monica's car. I took Nussbaum home and now I'm home.

I NEED TO WORKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to Top Gun to shoot. I did alright. I get to get on the level of my brother though. I think I may still one of his targets and claim it as my own, but shhhhh, you didn't hear that from me.

didn't happen. i went to sleep, but Q never called anyways. he had other things to do. oh well. Marlon's on his way over now to pick Marlene and I up. Time to hit up the shooting range.

lets see if matthew can stay awake until he goes running with Q at 10
*crosses fingers*

why is my momma up online looking for different places to make appointments for eye check-ups and other check-ups? and why did she find somewhere to call at this hour of the night to make an appointment?

Sunday, December 19, 2004

"May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to
make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to
make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you
can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and
everyone around you is crying."
I ate at home tonight then went and met Sammie at Edwards. Her cousin works there so I got to park for free then we got to see Christmas with the Kranks for free. I liked the movie. I'll have to go back for other movies. Now that makes two people I know who can get me into Edwards for free. After that I took Sammie to Chinatown where we met up with Q, Ding, Pujan, Mark, Olivia, and Becky. Ding and I hit up the word dojo. Some little boy was there at first just pushing buttons and tearing the sign off the machine. We weren't sure what to do and were just laughing. Then he started laughing and pushing buttons on the screen. His momma came and got him and then we began. All the scores had been erased and we easily beat the high score on our first game and then dropped a million on our second game. Then other people started playing and that messed us up. I had to leave to take Sammie home, so I did that. I was supposed to meet up with Marlene and some people at Fast Eddies for pool cuz they said it was free. They backed out but I was already there so I played a couple games by myself before I found out that you had to work at a restaurant or else it's $11/hr. After I found that out I just left and went to get Marlene from Kenneth's. She was playing Davidia in scrabble, but I took her place when I got there and came back to win. Now I'm back home and online as always.

My momma said earlier that I'm only home to eat and sleep, but that's not true. I also use the internet here and watch tv.

a day in bed, not good, didn't feel good. lets see what tonight holds.

i didn't stay up too late last night, but for some reason i just couldn't wake up this morning. but when i finally did wake up i got my breakfast. but now i have no way to soccer/football because of the UH graduation.

sometimes people just don't want your help. not everybody's going to like you. it sucks, but you just have to get over it and move on in life. i wish you the best of luck.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

I ended up going to the galleria. First I met up with, Marcus, Line, and Lynn. Later on Ding, Greg, Olivia, Becky, and Q came. I saw one dude that used to play Bellaire basketball, but I couldn't remember his name. I still spoke though. Lalla, Kendahl, Jason, Chase, and John were also there. It was nice seeing old friends again. We ate Chili's in the galleria. We met up with Albert and Amy in Finish Line. After the galleria we went back to UH again to play pool. PJ, June, and Vinh met us there. I did much better tonight than I did last night so that was good.

Today was good. I look forward to tomorrow.

went to allison's graduation party. it was a nice little get together. i'm really tired for some reason though. i think i may go to the galleria though. or maybe i'll sleep. i don't know.

i didn't get to workout last night, but it continued my trend of every other day, which isn't so bad after not working out at all all semester.

i love being home because i get to geat breakfast no matter what time i wake up. but now i must hurry to get ready for allison's graduation party.

went to Lalla's holiday party and it was cool. Saw some people I hadn't seen in awhile. After that I went and met up with some people at UH to bowl and shoot pool. bowling was cool, but it's something wrong with those UH pool tables. Everybody was sucking it up. Oh well, came home then Marlene and I went to burger king. Now I'm stuffed but still need to workout.

Friday, December 17, 2004

I got out and went over to my grandmothers to help with christmas decorations. I got there and Marlon and I took the things out of the attic and started setting them up. Then Marlene got there to take over. I picked up a cake from one place and took it to another. After we were just about done over my grandmothers I came home to get ready. I showered and changed and now I'm waiting on Q so we can head over to Lalla's holiday party.

i wanna go back to santa's wonderland

my neck and back are killing me. i guess i'll just go to sleep since i don't feel like doing anything else.

Bill Irwin = Comical genius
I have to find some videos of him.

i know it's not good, but many people have the power to break my day. but only a select few have the ability to make my day. today both happened. this is why i should go to bed earlier.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

I slept most of today. I woke up around 1:30 and ate before going back to sleep. I woke up again around 5 and ate. Then I got ready and met up with everyone at tan tan. It was a very nice turnout. Afterwards we went over to olivia's to watch a movie. I stayed for part of it then Rose and I went to workout. I showered and now I'll be up awhile so I need something to do.

June licking Vinh

here are a few of the pictures from santa's wonderland:

Touchdown Pass

i'm starting to not like the cold.

spent forever cropping and naming the pics from santa's wonderland. i'm too tired to post them here right now, so i'll get around to it tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

another workout done. i gotta keep it up. i gotta lose all this fat. i don't know where i'm going to get the will power or motivation to keep this up. right now i'm running on pride, but i'm losing more of that as everyday passes.

i got things together and ran them over to D.A.V. After that I headed to A&M. I made great time on my way over there. I got there and got the few things I needed out of my room and watched an episode of the simpsons on reg's computer. Then I went to the mall and met up with Kym and Clare. I picked Marlene up and we ate at Lane's then got Greg and went over to Clare's. The others ate there while I did some stuff on the computer. By now I wasn't in a good mood because I wanted to be out of town already. I ended up on Clare's papasan and took about a 30 minute power nap. I woke up and was still in a bad mood. We finally headed off to Santa's Wonderland. It was great and I took lots of pictures, but I wish I could've gone on a day when I was in a better mood. I'll post pictures later. I hope they came out well. Around 10:30 Marlene and I headed back to houston. Got in around 11:45. Unpacked and now I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't feel like gonig to sleep. I guess I'll workout.

Marlon came and got me and we went out to get a rental car, but they only had minivans so that ended up being a waste of time. Then we went to pick up a cake from our Aunt's to take to my momma. We did that, then went to take his car to the shop. Dropped it off and headed out to get my momma's remote start fixed. Stopped on the way out there and got freebirds. Got out to the place and they were too busy to fix it then so that was a waste. Now we have to take it back out there tomorrow morning. Went to Hallmark so I could get Monica's check to deposit it. She let Marlon take her car to work so now I can leave town a little earlier. I have a few more things to do then I should be on my way to College Station.

I've seen entirely too many cops out today for my liking. I even held back on running a red light because of that. Hopefully i won't run into any on my trip.

Fuck it. It's cold outside. I'm wearing a jacket.

I actually decided to go to sleep last night and planned on waking up at 11 when my momma came to get me. But no. First, around 7:45am, my momma's remote start is messing up so the alarm keeps going off, so of course she wakes me up to do something about it. I do that and go lay back down to go back to sleep until 11. Around 8:20am, Monica comes down with Marlon on her phone. He needs me to go with him to get a rental car so he can drop off his car to get it worked on and so he can take momma's car back out to the shop to get it fixed. And of course he wants to do it all now so he's on his way to get me. Now instead of getting 6 hours of sleep like I had planned to, I got 3.

Part of my playlist for the night

Tim Mcgraw - Don't Take The Girl
Alan Jackson - Work In Progress
Emerson Drive - Only God
Lonestar - Amazed
Rascal Flatts - Prayin' For Daylight
Montgomery Gentry - If A Broken Heart Could Kill
Emerson Drive - I Should Be Sleeping
Blake Shelton - P.S. If This Is Austin


Tuesday, December 14, 2004

I went out and met up with Q, Ding, and Mr. Black to go play pool at Rice. We got there and planned to call Nussbaum to let us in, but she had gone somewhere and left her cell phone in her room. We stood outside the room and started calling everybody we knew who went to Rice. Finally Pinto picked up and she was nice enough to come let us in. We got in and had the room to ourselves since everybody else was most likely studying. First game, i played Ding and scratched on the 8 ball. Second game, Ding played Q and Ding scratched on the 8 ball. Third game, Q played Adam and Adam scratched on the 8 ball. Fourth game, I played Q and finally broke the curse and actually hit the 8 ball in to win the game. We finally caught up with Nussbaum and she came and chilled with us some. Then we played see who could bank it off one end and come the closet to the wall without touching it. Then it was Ding and I vs. Q and Adam before we left. It was a good night. Now I should get some sleep since I have to drive to College Station tomorrow. But now...I eat.

not the day i planned. lets see what i can make out of the night

i didn't get enough sleep last night so i may get some more in a little bit. i woke up early so i could take monica to work so i could have a mode of transportation throughout the day. monica warned me that it was cold outside, but of course i still had on my shorts and t-shirt and then my gloves and beannie. lets just say i should've had on pants and a jacket of some sort. i dropped monica off then went to chick-fil-a to get me some breakfast. came home and ate it. to sleep or not to sleep? that is my dilemma.

"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently."
- Henry Ford
i couldn't go to sleep so instead i watched ocean's eleven on my computer. after that i still wasn't ready to go to sleep. all day i started telling myself that i'd start my push-ups and sit-ups tomorrow. then i realized that that's the same thing i said yesterday. the first round is always the hardest, but somehow i managed to make myself do them. after my third set of push-ups i could literally and clearly hear my heart beating inside my chest. but i kept going and now that i've started hopefully i'll be able to keep it up. i started off this break at an outrageous 193lbs. over the break i need to lose some of that and turn the rest into muscle. i want my 8-pack back, or at least my 6-pack.

i used to wear 5 bracelets on my wrist. for now, most of the time, i'm going to stick with one:

Monday, December 13, 2004

it's been nice being home during the day, but my nights aren't so great. i feel bored and restless all the time. i still feel something is missing. but...

Somehow got around Rice. I made further than I thought I would, but I still have a long ways to go. Afterwards we met up with Ding at burger king. ate there then tried to play pool at Rice, but the room was locked so we ended up back at Ding's house. I finally got to see Hero. I liked it. Now I'm home, but want to go out and do something.

I figured this out awhile ago, but I just found the link again to the game Petals Around the Rose. It's a fun game/puzzle/brain teaser. Simple, but fun. Everybody should try it at somepoint.

Petals Around the Rose

Sunday, December 12, 2004

went to see ocean's twelve with a couple people. i liked it, but some people didn't.

i gotta start getting in shape. that means push-ups and sit-ups everyday. hopefully i can wake up tomorrow to go running with Q. it's gonna be rough, but i'll see how far i can make it.

i got up and ate breakfast around 11, but went right back to sleep after that. i got up a little later after alison called me to go meet her and Q at starbucks. i slowly got up and showered and watched some of the Texans game before leaving. I met up with them and we talked for awhile. After I left there I went and visited Monica at Hallmark. I hung out there awhile and wanted to buy something, but in the end I didn't. I left and was heading home, but at the last minute I exited Stella Link and went to the Y. Jyme was there so I stayed and talked some before calling up Aubrey who stays around the corner. She came and chilled with us. Then Derrick stays right down the street so he came over. I told Monica I was going home at 5, but we ended up staying at the Y and talking until the pool closed at 8. It was good times catching up with them. I shall have to go back sometime soon and catch up with the other ones. I came home and ate and I have to take out a few boxes so I can go to the movies later.

I guess not. Things seem one way, but of course they're another way.


I went to get Monica and I food from Sonic. Came back and ate that then ended up going out to IHOP to meet up with Ding, PJ, Becky and her brother. It felt good to be driving again and going to just hang out with friends with no academic worries on my mind. Back home and feeling better. Can it continue?

Saturday, December 11, 2004

i went out to eat with greg and clare instead of going to the basketball game. then we had fun at HEB. i got back to my room and finished packing then layed down until it was time to go. Marlene came over and helped me take all my stuff down. Dropped Marlene off and started home. It was a rough trip for me at first, but luckily I finally fell asleep. Got home and talked to my momma about a plan for school...well she talked to me. I was in a bad mood until I was randomly reading the paper and found out that t-mobile has callertunes. I got online and started messing with that and that dramatically brought my mood up. So if you call my phone, don't hang up when you don't hear a ring ring ring, just listen and enjoy.

i completely forgot what day it was when i was going to get breakfast. luckily i stayed and watched the power rangers at 7 and part of the one at 7:30, so i was only 15 minutes early for breakfast instead of an hour early.

stolen from miss hang's xanga
something that got me to laugh

Disorder In The Court!

Most language is spoken language, and most words once they are uttered,
vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case with language spoken
during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of court reporters whose job
it is to take down and preserve every statement made during the proceedings.

Court is now in session, and here are my favorite transquips, all
recorded by America's keepers of the word:

Q: What is your brother-in-law's name?
A: Borofkin
Q: What is his first name?
A: I can't remember.
Q: He's been your brother-in-law for 45 years, and you can't remember
his first name?
A: No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and
pointing to Mr. Borofkin). Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your
first name!

Q: Did you stay all night with this man in New York?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A: No.

Q: James stood back and shot Tommy Lee?
A: Yes.
Q: And then Tommy Lee pulled out his gun and shot James in the fracas?
A: (After a hesitation) No sir, just above it.

Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A: No, I said he was shot in the lumber region.

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And, by whose death was it terminated?

Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine Mc Dowell.
Q: What is your marrital status?
A: Fair.

Q: Are you married?
A: No, I'm divorced.
Q: What did yuour husband do before you divorced him?
A: A lot of things that I didn't know about.

Q: And who is this person you are speaking of?
A: My ex-widow said it.

Q: How did you happen to go to Dr. Cheney?
A: Well, a gal down by the road had had several of her children by Dr.
Cheney and said he was really good.

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A: I will be three months November 8th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Q: Mrs. Smith, you do believe that you are emotionally unstable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
A: Four times.

Q: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A: No.
Q: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
A: Picking them up in the air.
Q: Where was the dog at the time?
A: Attached to the ears.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autoppsies have been on dead people.

Q: Were you acquainted with the decedent?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Before or after he died?

Q: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the
A: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words.

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
A: No.

Q: Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Have you ever been arrested?
A: Yes.
Q: What for?
A: Aggrivating a female.

Q: You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a
A: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.

Judge: Well, gentlemen of the jury, are you unanimous?
Foreman: Yes, your Honor, we're all alike -- temporarily insane.

THE COURT. Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present
information and prejudice from your mind if you have any.

Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were
able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to
go also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to
the station?
A: MR. BROOKS. Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

Q: At the time you first saw Dr. Mc Carty, had you ever seen him prior
to that time?

JUDGE: I rarely do so, but for whatever purpose it may serve, I will
indicate for the record that I approached this case with a
completely open mind.

Q: Did the lady standing the driveway subsequently identify herself to
A: Yes, she did.
Q: Who did she say she was?
A: She said she was the owner of the dog's wife.

Q: I understand you're Bernie Davis's mother.
A: Yes.
Q: How long have you known him?

Q: Now, I'm going to show you what has been marked as
State's Exhibit No. 2 and ask if you recognize the picture?
A: John Fletecher.
Q: That's you?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: And you were present when the picture was taken, right?

Q: As a officer of the Dodge City Police Department, did you stop an
automobile bearing Kansas license plates SCR446?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Was the vehicle occupied at the time?

Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to
A: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the
immediate end of my right leg.

Q: Have you ever beaten your wife?
A: No. I might slap her around a little, but I never beat her.

Q: Just what did you do to prevent the accident?
A: I closed my eyes and screamed as loud as I could.

Q: What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this
A: Oh, she'll tell you the truth. She said she was going to kill the
son of a gun -- and she did.

Q: And another reason that you didn't want to go out there was because
you feared for your life?
A: Yes, I did.
Q: Why?
A: That's a rowdy neighborhood, and there are very, very bad persons
that will do bodily harm and seriously kill someone.

Q: Where were you on the bike at the time?
A: On the seat.
Q: I meant where is the street.

Before we recess, let's listen in on one last exchange involving a child:

Q: And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral, O.K.?
A: Oral.
Q: How old are you?
A: Oral.

looks like i'm getting back to my late nights. that means too much thinking, which mean i'm not in a happy mood.

it was nice talking to you again. i hope we can do it again sometime soon.

Friday, December 10, 2004

marlene ordered me food from Burger Boy, yay for big sisters. i am able to eat entirely too much now-a-days. it's sad. i guess that's what happens when you get fat.

i cleaned most of my room, which was a pain cuz it was kinda messy. Oh well, did that then packed. I have WAY too much stuff, it's ridiculous.

I'm almost home.

I'm done with this semester. I'm supposed to be happy. Why am I not?

got a few more dollars for books, which i could really use. i'm still hoping they take back my other ones.

saw soembody else with some crocs on. most people just don't know yet, but the crocs will take over.

i can't just make myself get out of bed. i waited until the last moment to get out of bed so i could go take my final. but i took it, it's over with, i'm done. fuck it all. i went to get my new id. now i shall eat and maybe just climb back into bed.

went to denny's after the game in an attempt to study. didn't work. i was either on my phone or just listening to music. had some good food though. had some good pictures, some of which got deleted. back in my room now. i don't know what i'm supposed to study or what time my test is yet. do i care? i just really don't right now.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

one of the GREATEST comebacks ever. rockets down 10 with 49 seconds left. T-MAC catches fire and hits 4 threes. one a four point play. another the game winner. it brought back memories of Miller lighting up the knicks. T-MAC made his adidas commercial true, IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING

The spurs got spurred
the spurs got spanked
tony got PARK-er-d
tim no more dunkan
i forgot the rest, but they were all funny

i have no reason to get up out of bed anymore. maybe once i get back home.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

heard some news that i really wasn't expecting tonight and eventually just had to get out of the room. i called up clare and asked her to take me to denny's. kym had gotten off work so we got her, but then ended up at mcdonalds. played the games then went to order. the system was down so they were writing everything out on paper and adding the prices up in their heads. it took awhile, but luckily i had a lot of patience tonight. we ate and talked some and now i'm back in my room wondering how i'm going to be able to stay here.

for the past few days, the simpsons has been my wake up. *lowers head*

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

went bowling tonight. my first game was good, but then i lost focus and just sucked it up until the last game. but then the last game got cut short cuz they closed, but oh well, it was fun. after that we went to mcdonalds. i didn't eat cuz i'm too poor. but they had a gamecube there and one of those touch screen games. i played the hoop jones first, then we got hooked on the tennis game. we're probably gonna have to go back just to play the tennis game. it's quite addicting.

"...sometimes remembering will lead to a story, which makes it forever. That's what stories are for. Stories are for joining the past to the future. Stories are for those late hours in the night when you can't remember how you got from where you were to where you are. Stories are for eternity, when memory is erased, when there is nothing left to remember except the story."
-Tim O'Brien
The Things They Carried
went to play pool around midnight. played for the next five hours. in that time i only lost 3 games of cut-throat. i didn't lose at 8-ball. i faded badly at the end and just stopped focusing. but every once in awhile i could make myself concentrate and go on a run. there were points where i had fun, but my mood was killed again so a lot of the time i was just there.

i just need to get through this week. right now it's not looking like i will.

Monday, December 06, 2004

first toy story then home alone 2. two very good movies. probably sometime tonight a saved by the bell marathon.

how olivia ruined the pie

fuck yesterday. just fuck it. i don't even feel like writing about it. if you wanna know about it then you can ask me.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

let's see how today goes. i'm really not in the mood for driving.

such a fool i am

this day seemed long even though i slept in late. got three stamps on my 12th man team card though, so that was good. had some good food. but i should be sleep now since i have to drive back to houston tomorrow. clare's flight doesn't get in until 3:30am though, which sucks somewhat. i don't feel like driving, but i guess i have to.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

got up and showered today then went and met up with marlene to eat. then i met up with clare in beutel. that was actually my first time going into beutel. after that we went and got greg then ran some errands. then we picked up kym and i drove to houston. we dropped greg off then headed out to the airport. after the airport i visted home then took kym to the galleria. we ate there then went over dings and watched a asian movie. it was pretty good even though i did have to read subtitles. we got starbucks then i went home to say bye. the drive to houston went by quick, but the drive back was rough. i was tired before i started so it was an extremely long drive. i'm glad we made it back safely though.

Thank you, God, for getting me back to A&M safely. I wouldn't have made it without you.

Friday, December 03, 2004

i get rest, but my body is still tired. i really don't get it. i guess my body really is dead.

this is a cool clock


went to eat at rumours then went to play pool at the commons. we ended up playing cut throat. i won all but one game. that was refreshing, i hate been wanting to play pool so i'm glad i finally got to.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

it may only be a 9 piece puzzle, but it's not as easy as you would think.
these two provided me with plenty of entertainment while working on the puzzle.

THE puzzle

a few pics from the break

the flying PJ

they said it was random, but i'm not so sure

these were on olivia's spinning stool. i say i did better than Q.

as i fall farther and farther backwards once again i see no reason to get out of bed at a decent time.

i'm a terrible person. no matter what i tell myself i still have some of him in me. and that makes me hate myself even more.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

my body must be dying on me or something. i've gotten tired early every night since i've gotten back from the break. maybe my body has come to the end of it's road.

went to our basketball game vs oakland. we won 81-63. i'm liking how they're playing this year, but i'm still waiting until they play a worthy opponent before i make any decisions on how good i really think they are. after the game i went and watched the beginning of greg's flag football game. it was the championship game, which they did end up winning. after that i went over to marlene's to eat. i ate 7 tostado's and plan to eat more in the near future. then i went to the commons and played some pool. now i'm back in my room ready to do i don't know waht. i want to read The Five People You Meet In Heaven before they show the movie on Sunday. i need to read for texas history. we'll see if i get any reading done at all.

so i'm registered for classes thanks to monica. we'll see what i can do with these 16 hours next semester. no math and no science so it shouldn't be as bad. wish me luck.

day started up
day came back up

i sold back my books and got some good money for them. now i can pay back my grandmother a lot sooner than expected. plus i can pay more on my credit card bill now.

i ate, now lets see what i do until our game vs. oakland at 7 tonight.

I wore my Kinkaid EMSI shirt yesterday and it brought back memories of when I used to be happy. oh well, those days are gone.

Last night was one of those nights where I just wasn't going to smile on the outside. I smiled a few times on the inside, but never on the outside. At least I got some sleep though. I don't know why or how, but that's three nights in a row. Yet I still don't feel any different or give a damn.

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